Frostbite Chapter 9

NineI DIDNT SEE DIMITRI FOR a while later(prenominal) that. Hed sent a message later that daytime aphorism that he theme we should stoogecel our next two sessions because of the apace approaching plans to leave campus. Classes were ab move round egress to good deal any means, he verbalise taking a scatter from pract deoxyephedrine exposemed standardized the healthy thing.It was a lame excuse, and I k virgin that wasnt the argue he was canceling. If he commanded to quash me, I would pee-pee preferred he make up aboutthing close how he and the opposite guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.Regardless of his story, I knew he was avoiding me because of the osculation. That damned kiss. I didnt regret it, non exactly. deity only knew how practic wholey Id been wanting to kiss him. however Id through with(predicate) it for the wrong reasons. Id through with(p) it because I was disorderliness and frustrated and had simply wanted to en liberalle that I could. I was so weary of doing the reform thing, the smart thing. I was trying to be more than than in reign lately, however I seemed to be slipping.I hadnt forgotten the warning that hed once granted me- that us being to set forthher wasnt besides about age. It would interfere with our jobs. Pushing him into the kisswell, Id fanned the flames of a problem that could in the end hurt Lissa. I shouldnt comport d nonpareil it. Yesterday, Id been un satisfactory to stop myself. Today I could see more clearly and couldnt believe what Id done. mason met me on Christmas morning, and we went to go movement out with the others. It provided a good probability to push Dimitri out of my head. I care mason- a lot. And it wasnt ilk I had to run shoot and marry him. Like Lissa had said, it would be healthy for me to estimable date mortal again.Tasha was hosting our Christmas brunch in an elegant living-room in the Academys guest quarters. Lots of ass embly activities and parties were occur wall throughout the school, scarce Id quickly detect that Tashas front man al manners created a disturbance. populate either secretly stared or went out of their carriage to avoid her. Sometimes she would gain secern them. Sometimes she would notwithstanding lie low. Today, shed chosen to stay out of the other royals style and simply enjoy this small, private ships company of those who didnt shun her.Dimitri had been invited to the gathering, and a bit of my split faltered when I saw him. Hed real svelte to kill(p) up for the occasion. Okay, dressed up baroniness obligate been an exaggeration, scarcely it was the closest Id of all time seen him come to that. Usually he that tinctureed a little rough want he could spring into battle at any given moment. Today, his smuggled cop was tied at the back of his neck, as though hed actually tried and true to accept it neat. He wore his usual jeans and leather boots, only when i nstead of a T-shirt or thermal shirt, he had on a finely knit shameful sweater. It was unsloped an ordinary sweater, nothing designer or expensive, but it added a touch of refinement I didnt usually see, and good God, did it check off him well.Dimitri wasnt mean to me or anything, but he certainly didnt go out of his way to make conversition with me. He did public lecture to Tasha, however, and I watched with fascination as they conversed in that easy way of theirs. Id since learned that a good friend of his was a contrasted cousin of Tashas family that was how the two of them knew each other. fiver? asked Dimitri in surprise. They were discussing the friends children. I hadnt comprehend that.Tasha nodded. Its insane. I swear, I dont think his wifes had more than cardinal months off between kids. Shes short, too- so she right now grasps wider and wider.When I first met him, he swore he didnt dismantle want kids.Her eyes widened excitedly. I k now I cant believe it. You should see him now. He salutary melts around them. I cant even understand him half the time. I swear, he speaks more screw up conversation than English.Dimitri smiled his rare smile. Wellchildren do that to people.I cant imagine it happening to you, she laughed. Youre everlastingly so stoic. Of vogue I suppose youd be doing baby confabulation in Russian, so no one would ever know.They two laughed at that, and I vacateed absent, refreshing Mason was there to talk to. He was a good distraction from everything, because in addition to Dimitri ignoring me, Lissa and Christian were chatting on in their own little world too. sexual activity appeared to incur made them that a great deal more in fill out, and I wondered if Id beat up to give any time with her at all on the ski trip. She did ultimately break away from him to give me my Christmas present.I undetermined the box and stared inside. I saw a string of maroon- aslope beads, and the scent of roses floated out.What the I raise the beads out, and a heavy amber crucifix swung from the end of them. Shed given me a chotki. It was similar to a rosary, only smaller. Bracelet-size. atomic number 18 you trying to convert me? I asked wryly. Lissa wasnt a religious nut or anything, but she believed in God and attended church regularly. Like many Moroi families whod come from Russia and easterly Europe, she was an Orthodox Christian.Me? I was pretty lots an Orthodox Agnostic. I figured God probably existed, but I didnt have the time or energy to investigate. Lissa consider that and neer tried to push her assent on me, which made the gift that often weirder.Flip it all over, she said, clearly amused at my shock.I did. On the back of the cross, a dragon wreathed in flowers had been carved into the gold. The Dragomir crest. I looked up at her, puzzled.Its a family heirloom, she said. wizard of my dads good friends has been saving boxes of his stuff. This was in it. It belonged to my great-grand obta ins guardian.Liss I said. The chotki took on a whole new meaning. I cant you cant give me something exchangeable this.Well, I certainly cant keep it. Its meant for a guardian. My guardian.I wound the beads around one wrist. The cross mat cool down against my skin.You know, I teased, theres a good possibility Ill concentrate kicked out of school before I can become your guardian.She grinned. Well, thus you can give it back.Everyone laughed. Tasha started to say something, then stop when she looked up at the door.JanineMy baffle stood there, spirit as stiff and impassive as ever.Sorry Im late, she said. I had business to count care of.Business. As always. Even on Christmas.I felt my stomach turn and heat rise to my cheeks as the flesh out of our fight came rushing back to my mind. Shed neer sent one word of communion since it had happened two days ago, not even when I was in the infirmary. No apologies. Nothing. I gritted my teeth.She sat down with us and before long join ed in the conversation. Id long since notice she could very only talk about one subject guardian business. I wondered if she had any hobbies. The Badica attack was on everyones mind, and this bevy her into a conversation about some similar fight shed been in. To my horror, Mason was riveted by her every word.Well, decapitations arent as easy as they seem, she said in her matter-of-fact way. Id never thought they were easy at all, but her tone suggested that she believed everyone thought they were cake. Youve got to get through the spinal cord and tendons.Through the bond, I felt Lissa grow queasy. She wasnt one for disturbed talk.Masons eyes lit up. Whats the best arm to do it with?My mother considered. An hack. You can get more weight bottom of the inning it. She made a swinging motion by way of illustration.Cool, he said. Man, I wish they let me air an axe. It was a jocund and ludicrous idea, since axes were hardly convenient weapons to carry around. For half a second, t he thought of Mason walking down the street with an axe over his shoulder animatedened my mood a little. The moment quickly passed.I honestly couldnt believe we were having this conversation on Christmas. Her presence had soured everything. Fortunately, the gathering eventually dispersed. Christian and Lissa went off to do their own thing, and Dimitri and Tasha seemingly had more catching up to do. Mason and I were well on our way to the dhampir dorm when my mother joined us. no(prenominal) of us said anything. Stars cluttered the black sky, sharp and bright, their glitter matched in the ice and snow around us. I wore my os parka with fake fur trimming. It did a good job holding my personate warm, even though it did nothing against the chilli pepper gusts that seared my face. The whole time we walked, I unploughed expecting my mother to turn off toward the other guardian areas, but she came right inside the dorm with us.Ive been wanting to talk to you, she finally said. My al arms clicked on. What had I done now?That was all she said, but Mason picked up on the hint immediately. He was uncomplete stupid nor preoccupied to social cues, though at that moment, I kind of wished he was. I also found it dry that he wanted to fight every Strigoi in the world but was horror-struck of my mother.He glanced at me apologetically, shrugged, and said, Hey, Ive got to get, um, somewhere. Ill see you later.I watched with regret as he left, need I could run after him. believably my mom would only tackle me and salt lick my other eye if I tried to escape. Better to do things her way and get this over with. Shifting uncomfortably, I looked everyplace but at her and waited for her to speak. Out of the ecological niche of my eye, I noticed a hardly a(prenominal) people glancing over at us. Recalling how everyone in the world seemed to know about her loose me the black eye, I suddenly headstrong I didnt want witnesses around for whatsoever lecture she was about to unleash on me.You want to, um, go to my room? I asked. She looked surprise, almost uncertain. Sure.I led her upstairs, keeping a safe distance away as we walked. Awkward tension built between us. She didnt say anything when we reached my room, but I saw her examine every expound carefully, as though a Strigoi might be lurking in there. I sat on the bed and waited while she paced, faint dateted what I should do. She ran her fingers over a load up of books on animal behavior and evolution. are these for a report? she asked.No. Im just interested in it, thats all.Her eyebrows rose. She hadnt known that. yet how would she? She didnt know anything about me. She continued her appraisal, stopping to study little things that apparently surprised her about me. A picture of Lissa and me dressed up like fairies for Halloween. A hairgrip of SweeTarts. It was as though my mother were contact me for the first time.Abruptly, she move and extended her tip over toward me. Here.Startled, I leaned forward and held my palm out underneath hers. Something small and cool dropped into my hand. It was a round pendant, a small one- not much bigger than a dime in diameter. A base of plate held a flat disc of colored glass bents. Frowning, I ran my thumb over its surface. It was strange, but the circles almost made it look like an eye. The inner one was small, just like a pupil. It was so dark blue that it looked black. Surrounding it was a large circle of pale blue, which was in turn surrounded by a circle of white. A very, very thin ring of that dark blue color circled the outside.thank, I said. I hadnt expected anything from her. The gift was weird- wherefore the hell would she give me an eye?- but it was a gift. I I didnt get you anything.My mom nodded, face blank and casual once more. Its fine. I dont need anything.She turned away again and started walking around the room. She didnt have a lot of blank shell to do it, but her shorter height gave her a smaller strid e. Each time she passed in front of the window over my bed, the liberal would catch her auburn hair and light it up. I watched her curiously and put one overd she was as nervous as me.She halted in her pacing and glanced back toward me. Hows your eye?Getting better.Good. She undetermined her mouth, and I had a feeling she was on the verge of apologizing. notwithstanding she didnt.When she started pacing again, I decided I couldnt stand the inactivity. I began putting my presents away. Id gotten a pretty becoming haul of stuff this morning. One of them was a silk dress from Tasha, red and embroidered with flowers. My mother watched me advert it in the rooms tiny closet.That was very good of Tasha.Yeah, I agreed. I didnt know she was red ink to get me anything. I real like her.Me too.I turned from the closet in surprise and stared at my mom. Her astonishment reverberate mine. If I hadnt known any better, Id have said wed just agreed on something. Maybe Christmas miracles di d happen.Guardian Belikov will be a good match for her.I- I blinked, not entirely sure what she was lecture about. Dimitri?Guardian Belikov, she corrected sternly, facilitate not approving of my casual way of addressing him.What what kind of match? I asked.She raised an eyebrow. You havent heard? Shes asked him to be her guardian- since she doesnt have one.I felt like Id been punched again. But hesassigned here. And to Lissa.Arrangements can be made. And regardless of the Ozera reputationshes still royal. If she pushes, she can get her way.I stared bleakly into space. Well, I guess they are friends and everything.to a greater extent than that- or possibly could be.Bam Punched again.What?Hmm? Oh. Shesinterested in him. By my mothers tone, it was clear that romantic matters actually held no interest for her. Shes willing to have dhampir children, so its possible they might eventually make an, um, arrangement if he were her guardian.Oh. My. God. snip froze.My heart halt beating.I r ealized my mother was waiting for a response. She was lean against my desk, watching me. She might be able to hunt down Strigoi, but she was oblivious to my feelings.Is is he going to do it? Be her guardian? I asked weakly.My mom shrugged. I dont think hes agreed to it yet, but of course he will. Its a great opportunity.Of course, I echoed. Why would Dimitri turn down the materialise to be a guardian to a friend of his and to have a baby?I think my mom said something else after that, but I didnt hear it. I didnt hear anything. I kept thinking about Dimitri go forth the Academy, leaving me. I thought about the way he and Tasha had gotten along with each other so well. And then, after those recollections, my imagination started improvising future tense scenarios. Tasha and Dimitri unneurotic. Touching. Kissing. Naked. Other things I squeezed my eyes leave off for half a second and then opened them.Im really tired.My mom stopped mid-sentence. I had no idea what shed been saying before I interrupted her.Im really tired, I repeated. I could hear the insincerity in my own voice. Empty. No emotion. Thanks for the eyeum, thing, but if you dont mind My mother stared at me in surprise, her features open and confused. Then, just like that, her usual wall of cool professionalism slammed back into place. Until that moment, I hadnt realized how much shed let it up. But she had. For just a brief time, shed made herself vulnerable with me. That photograph was now gone.Of course, she said stiffly. I dont want to bother you.I wanted to report her it wasnt that. I wanted to tell her I wasnt kicking her out for any ad hominem reason. And I wanted to tell her that I wished she were the kind of loving, understanding mother you always hear about, one I could invest in. Maybe even a mother I could discuss my troubled love life with.God. I wished I could tell anyone about that, actually. Especially right now.But I was too caught up in my own personal drama to say a word. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and tossed it across the other side of the room. There was a burning, agonizing pain in my chest, and I had no idea how it could ever be filled. It was one thing to accept that I couldnt have Dimitri. It was something entirely different to realize someone else could.I didnt say anything else to her because my patois capabilities no longer existed. Fury glinted in her eyes, and her lips flattened out into that tight structure of displeasure she so often wore. Without another(prenominal) word, she turned around and left, slamming the door behind her. That door slam was something I would have done too, actually. I guess we really did share some genes.But I forgot about her almost immediately. I just kept sitting there and thinking. view and imagining.I spent the rest of the day doing little more than that. I skipped dinner. I shed a few tears. But mostly, I just sat on my bed thinking and growing more and more depressed. I also observe th at the only thing worse than imagining Dimitri and Tasha together was remembering when he and I had been together. He would never touch me again like that, never kiss me againThis was the mop Christmas ever.